ENMFP Volume Two: Chapter Six Where I Am Now

 Attempting to explain the dilemmas that are involved in trying to start a belief system would take a lifetime. 

    This is where I realize to do what I am attempting would take a life time and I am not sure about wanting to share everything with mankind with how greedy they have gotten.
    I need to relearn how I learned to love and forgive mankind for the horrors I saw as a child. 

    I could forgive so easily as a child. 
    What is it that I am missing?

    The idea of this ready and waiting whore killed any thought I could have of love in either direction. 
    The idea of justice was fading fast, and this beautiful plan was exposed to me. 
    Immediately tried to possess me to lie and ask that being for a peaceful death. 
    Meanwhile, I want to live. 

    There is a pair of females that would lie about anything for money, sex, and attention. 
    A freak of a slaved whore had mad herself just ready enough to "break" the pale part of the man I liked, making him too ravenous in movement in bed for me to ever trust again. 
    
    There is peace between, but not love. At least as of right now, sadly. 

    He is misinformed about me a bit. So I have doubt in him wanting to date. 
    Still... nice back though.
    The back rubs would have been legendary, but there is something trying to steal my sense of touch from me. 

    That is the mode of operating on this planet by the damned since my birth, seek, leech, and try to destroy any happiness I might find. It is one of the worst villains yet, and cries with a blood curdling cry each time it gets caught. It tries to destroy the civility of someone to evade their sensibility. 

    It has left my energy weakened and my finances beyond low. The will to live is there, but I feel differently about life itself. The fantasy seems to have ended with a part of the k9 cop that I hoped would satisfy the part of me that didn't like sex, but was wanting a companion that love. Nothing that ever had to be physical but would reawaken the child in me to wanting to live fully. 

    It's sad.
    It's all quite sad, when you sit and think it through.

    Then remains the question of 'what I am', that everyone but me seems to be asking.
    "If these things are true then what are you?"

    Annoyed. Heartbroken. Stilled by mercury's evil plot to take over the world. 
    Yet, still something. 
    Still something other than a soldier, soldering on. 

    So much for me dressing like Terry next Halloween and him wearing his underwear on the inside out. 
    There was the dream. 

    It's a good time for my pride to say that I was attracted to his being and his aura more than his looks. 
    Which will eventually heal me in some way. I'll convince myself it was supposed to mean something and find a trophy to sit still near and pretend. 
    Still, a very pretty bird and missed horribly.  

    Back to what where I am now for fear of dwelling. 

    The job market in America is horrendous. There are few dead end jobs doing meager tasks that keep the country running when special funding withdraws. 
    And federal funding has withdrawn from many things. 
    Our government has shut down due to incompetence and misunderstandings. There is too much money going out in some areas, but without some money going out people would die. 

    Life is complicated, and few things are more complicated than dictating the lives of others.
    The complex need of understanding that goes into having a friend is enough to drive one mad at times, let alone the understanding it would take befriend and work for a nation.

    One or more reasons why I live reclusively.

    It is kind of amazing that no one has stolen anything from my creative ability in a week or so. It got to be a regular occurrence that one or more relatives would try to stop by and "take what you aren't going to DO anything with anyway.." 
    I said thinking to myself, "People like you are why sequels are horrendous. The thieves still too much and can't continue what they've stolen. Respect for originality has almost died due to the harvesting of ideas." 
    They continued taking my things.
    "Don't you want your cousin to do well in college?" One would bark, smacking or subtle beating away my will to fight. "Aren't you okay with them making it SOMETHING?" And then the ever popular, "How selfish can you be?"

    My thoughts are my own and my mind was selfish enough to have them their selves, but that is the way it's supposed to be. Otherwise it would be someone else's idea. 
    My thoughts are mine. 
    Reading something and making your own is different, but just regurgitation is vomitus. 

    The truly ruthless ones refuse to credit their inspiration or sources and will nonchalantly generalize who they stole things from. 
    It's all nauseating in a world that seems to value truth and a type of sincerity to one's work.

    If a man makes a sculpture out of his crap, and I make one that looks like it out of gold, my golden statue is just a copy of the man's crappy one. That's all it will ever be, no matter how much I guild it, it still stolen shit. In order to be a decent person I need to yell at the top of my lungs, "This is the golden version of the ever inspiring poop statue over there!" Or something of the like. 

    Going above and beyond is when you respect an artist enough to not copy even when you want to. 
    Those birds are rare. 

    I would rather be the only one that writes about my spiritual beliefs and history of lives, but there is a chance that others might. 

    I must warn, if you do, there is an event horizon. 
    There is a sight to see. 

    We will encapsulate it in a bit of poetry,
    I am other than just this worldly
    In order to live or understand the life of me
    You must have traveled further than any see
    You must see the traveling
    And that time is a being

    Part of you will feel quite dead afterward, but you will know that we are in a big thing like a brain in a vat and our light came from it thinking in a different realm. A much BIGGER brain thought a divine thought and life spontaneously formed as thoughts do. That the unified verses speak and live, and that they vibrate, as you do you. 

    
    You will understand it's about realms not world, and these plantings are about growing what would continue in a different form later.
    Then you might realize it's very hard to change things on an atomic level, and realize to alter it would make a huge boom. 
    Afterward truth takes importance again, and you start thinking about originality, again.

    Then you kind of realize what you did was wrong and either a bank or a bridge of understanding forms before you. 

    What's really gross to think of is that first thought in the universe was something out of a dead place.

    I shall explain better in a moment, first remember to create something new if you read this. Minus the ideas on how to better the planet.
    With those fly like the fucking wind.
    

    So it may seem like the late Plato and I would have gotten along considering his ideas on realms, but he sought a type of perfection and believed it existed there alive. While I warn him that perfection is dead, and so is that realm.
    Less interested now that you found out that the first bit of light came from a place that to what your world would view would be dead? Stagnant? Unchanging in such a way that it's almost statuesque? 
    It is stuck, while here is changing.

    That first light gave off life sparks, which was a mixture of the vibration of light and the combustion of energy. Those life sparks smashed into dark dense rocks that had lifelessly drifted through dark empty space. 
    Later we learned to plant them. 
    I am one. We are called ah's and we grow what would be an all's house. Hades was a piece of an ah that beings tried to turn against itself and lure to hurting it's ah. That is why he controls so much of the underworld after his death. 

    Ah's have a type of royalty and I am part of it. That makes me an all of alls and connected to all previous ah's. There was one behind just about each major religion. I could create one if I wanted to.

    I just don't. 

    It's complicated, because life would be easier with worshippers, and it contradicts many of the beliefs around what ah's are, but praise is embarrassing. It is better to appreciate life and what was grown here. 
    I also risk losing something I had attained on a higher form of being, if I was too arrogant with the fact that I grew this place. 
    It gets circular because that type of mindset is what he thinks people should worship. 
    It doesn't stale, but it is what it is. 

    I am repulsed by some parts of religion and how murderous their people get when they are offended. 
   It reminds me of each planet forming a regime of some kind. They all fail. Then become something like prisons for those that offend in the same manner or offend mankind. 

    Which also reminds me, you probably want to know where the thought for that last universe came from, a "who made who" type of question. 
    I ask you how you know that you did not?
    Maybe you are one in the making. 
   For me I have harder evidence and a type of molecular ship. Everything gets quite small when you come down to it. (Aha get it?!... Never mind.) Even angels and devils have tiny sides they hide. 

    As for each of the creation stories, most are within and Ah. Like I said before there are a few. That is how they recreate life in their inner world, and do their type of rebirth, recreation or reincarnation.
    Being an All of all's ah (so a house for even the alls to sit - mostly for babies) I do creation at it's first points.
    There is even a fire recreation story about hades and tar pits. 
    I will not get to far into it at this point, for fear of calling the underworlder. 

    There are flowers in some creation stories, like carnations. They rebirth over and over until a type of fading happens.
    I always fancied myself as more of purest and like things in their whole first lives, and decided to save them that way, when I do a salvation.
    Those salvations only last during the planting, and at the end of a cycle, they are elevated or obliterated.  They have many ways of elevating and paying for, or realizing the folly of their crimes in order to achieve a higher place of existence. Religion is one of them. 
     
     I ensured I would not have to even be bothered with the idea of needing religion by living my life for this planet at the end of it's 4 billion year cycle. Ten of which I've been through. 
    When you find a being like me, you only have to multiple or birthdate by PI to find our age. 
    As hard as it is to comprehend, the younger ones are actually older when connected to their parts on the edge of the universe.
    They are beings older living younger, and beings like me are younger than they, but still older than what is known now. 
    Boy, oh boy, that is confusing. 

    We will talk about something else. 
    Like twinkies?
    Do think their slogans were ever, "Give me a winky for a twinkie?"
    So back to planetary explanations, then.


    (You know it's actually funny that a therapist finds me schizo for all this. She would have beat Joshua in a bed to death with a rock, bloodletting a head to nothing, with that philosophy. The medication she prescribes literally kills brain cells more than if I was a perpetual drunk. After getting the drugs my inner and outer dialogues seems to confuse and my writing is even more horrendous due to it. 
    She also still refuses to believe I have any type of autism and it runs in my genetic dad's family. Along with being mathematicians, instrumentalists, and artists.
    I need a new shrink. Bad.
    I had shit on the profession for so long, but making someone talk to you is fun sometimes. It just gets unhealthy when you do it six times a month. Which is how many visits I'm at right now. )


        I miss the medicine recovery that was on a previous planting. You basically ate until you felt better. They would feed you a certain protein for three days in a facility and you go into a vitamin rich fluid. 
        Cured just about any normal illness that ailed you, depending on the proteins and fluid they used. 
    It's hard to remember which planet it was on these drugs, I think the planet was Uranus.
     If you are curious about doing an experiment with it on earth, much of it is raw egg, milk, vinegar, cool water, and crushed kale in the fluid mixture. From head to toe, you would get covered in the stuff for a day. It would slowly be warmed to body temperature then slightly heated. Followed by a hot shower. 
    Reminds me of the eggdrop soup we have here .
    There, nothing was wasted. The soup went out to feed big boarish creatures that later served as a food source when they died peacefully. 
    It was one of the most peaceful places before the flooding and freezing.
    The people there had cooled the planet from devouring the life source's light and energy, Uranus trying to "run" the being around until they could no longer move. 
    That planet stood still and froze. There is a train that travels around it running with the people who caused it with him. It is a hell.


    Back to the cop, I checked into the spiritual history of the AH split that he is from. 
    I was probably warned not to. Yep. Did it, anyway. 
    She was horribly mistreated his sister. I just got excited that I was able to get some recognition from my writing if I was ten years old, and got distracted from the gravity of noticing that fact. 
    While under attack from demonic possession I have something like ADHD, forgive me. I promise it is for a good reason and if you knew everything you would love me for it. I will explain it to him one day. 
    When she refused Sasha, a raging split from another AH tried to take her. Knowing there was something different about her, he hungered have her or steal what specialties and uniqueness she had. 
    I did try to intervene through space and time with a ka in the north of greece during the previous life time of the k9 cop. I was living as a prince, but I was far away from he and his sister's home. 
     I was supposed to met her and say, "Hello." To which she was meant to say, "Hello." She was actually very religious and would have wanted to stay with the church, but when I introduced him to my little sister (also me) he would have fell in love with me as a baby when he heard my cooing cry, and vowed to protect me. 
    It sounds incredibly selfish, but with splits you must love both sides or it really does not work out well. I had came up with a solution to heal them. 
    There is a good chance that I do not remember part of my plan and are trying to do it, again, or maybe he is trying to pay me back in some way through fate and is going to catch the disastrous relatives I have. 
    Or instead he might have the luck I did, which was stretched between two dark devils on both our lands. Communication was impossible, even then, and travel was hazardous. 
    We lived meekly under a poor in money, but rich in spirit part of the kingdom. 
    I laughed some days that everyone there was princely, how was I special to someone?
    As my little sister was also part of me we needed very little to communicate, and it made it hard to understand the communication of others. I had a reputation for being wild, fast but reckless. 
    I wasn't too reckless to beat Sasha in a duel, but his side man killed after his sword hit the ground. I remember him screaming at my corpse staring in the direction of my home, as he yell, "IF MY SWORD EVER FALLS, SO DO YOU."
    I beat Sasha again, as my sister, avenging myself by beating him as a beggar and running away. Later when he found out about that ka, and was ruthless with drunkards. They stabbed her ragged outside the tavern way. 
    Like with all the other ka's I felt her death. It was wicked how they stabbed, and there was one with a hook that my spirit will never forget. 
    
    Again, my ADHD like symptoms just kicked in and I noticed someone on facebook that may have saw at the local store. Huh. There was something like attraction to the picture and I could feel the younger part of their family back away from the idea of being around me. That is understandable, but know that I was not trying to ignore you.

    Since I figured they have you investigating me I might as well speak to you directly, occasionally... hello.  Spiritually would it be too much to ask for you to inform the young girl of the situation. That way she understands I have some short comings when it comes to concentration under these attacks, that would not be there without the attacks. 
    
    That's part of what my therapist might call "schizo" but I do tend to attract attention from law enforcement for one reason or another. She just will not believe until I get arrested. 

    Why be boring, right?
    
    Watch he does not even believe in different existences and only thinks about lives. It will be another one that is almost impossible to explain my existence to. 

    Let cut the complication. 

    In the next chapter and tomorrow.